Do You Have a Space Pixel Problem?

Ed. Note: This post is written by Valeria Bovinus, my wife. I've edited for readability, but not content. You can find her other posts here.

The night I realized Tal had a problem was an evening like any other in the Dex/Bovinius household. Our dear children, were snuggly nestled in their beds after their nightly reenactment of the classic bedtime story, “Go the Fu** to Sleep.” Tal was on his computer and I was on mine when he said, “Look I bought a new Chimera.”

This immediately snapped me out of trying to buy clothes without a Disney picture on it for my children and into the world of space pixels, for I’m the wife who knows too much about Eve. Since (fortunately or unfortunately) I can recognize ship classes from their names, this comment set off warning bells.

Me: “Why do you need another carrier?”
Talvorian: “To move my stuff to a new staging system.”

He used a lot of words to explain what ships he was keeping with him, which were meant for low-sec, and a bunch of contingencies and situations.  It was exhausting to listen to.

When I countered that he had too much stuff and that moving doesn’t seem fun, he said, ‘”This is Eve.” But I have more fun organizing a sock drawer than he is having now. If everyone is doing this, no wonder subscriptions are dropping!  You folks have managed to turn space fighting into a chore.  It was at this point I realized he has a space pixel problem.

To help other players (and their wives), I’ve identified a space hoarding grading system:

Gentlemen, Be Wary of Strange Corporate Logos...

There's a terrible downside to Repercussus joining Goonswarm.  A terrible downside, indeed.

It's inevitable that, on occasion, I'll play Eve while sitting next to my wife.  In this case, we were discussing a babysitter we needed for a couple weeks from now.  Now, some women will argue that men can't do two things at once.  While this may be true, it doesn't preclude certain women - my wife - say, from forgetting everything she was saying and staring, transfixed, at my Eve client.

For she came face-to-face with that downside.  Being in GSF, it was inevitable.  For she saw the Goonwaffe logo in the upper-right corner of the screen as I sat in one of their stations.

It's a unicorn with a heart behind it.

My Wife's Opinion About Our Move Op...

In the world of jump fatigue, moving RP's assets from Tenal to Deklein isn't just a matter of catching a couple cynos anymore.  No, moving assets even two regions away is now a harrowing, white-knuckled excursion where your ship is slower than the rotation of the planets around the suns of New Eden.

Plus - and here's a tip for you - when your capital fleet lands on a gate, chances are very good that you'll bounce off of at least one of your fleetmates.  I ended up 15 km off a gate after I was a bit late jumping.  So that's an added bit of fun.  Always "jump" instead of "warp" when warping in a capital fleet.  Doing the alternative causes a hilarious* mistake.

* Not really hilarious at all.

But more importantly, moving a single capital on your own is a colossally stupid move.  So stupid, in fact, that all capital pilots are now beholden to move ops, else they take a tremendous set of risks going gate-to-gate.  Such a high risk, in fact, that it simply isn't done anymore.  I sure as heck wasn't going to.

At least, that's my opinion on the new Eve.  You simply have to make the move op, or you're SOL.  My wife, however, has another opinion, which she considerately shares below:

Lessons: My Wife Fit a Ship

Some time ago, I wrote about the fun of playing Eve with my wife.  Her knowing about Eve and Eve mechanics has some hilarious side-effects.  For instance, when I was trying to explain a Marketing presentation I was putting together, I compared social media for our particular industry to a shield boost amplifier.  For a few months, she’s called targets for managing our children the same way ECM pilots coordinate (“Jam the baby, she’s painting with pudding.  I’ll primary the toddler.”).

After a particularly hard day with the kids (one screaming non-stop for no reason, the other one throwing tantrums because we threw away a plastic Dixie cup she grew attached to), she’s been known to say, “Today felt like TiDi.”  And when I’m roaming while we watch watch something like “So You Think You Can Dance”, she trolls me when she looks over and sees no modules beside my S/A/H/C wheel.  “Ha ha, you died again.”

One of the other side effects is that she takes an interest in Eve, and in embarrassing me whenever possible.  I tolerate this because I love her.

Thus, the Roving Guinea Pig was born.

100: A Review of the First 100 Posts

My last article was post number 100 of this blog.  100 posts in 8 months.  An average of 2.4 days between posts. Nice round numbers are a great time to look back on what went well, what went poorly, and – of course, generate lots of wonderful lists and summaries.

Committing to write a blog that provides new content every couple days takes a lot of work.  While we all have plenty to talk about in corp chat or on TS while we play, recalling the small revelations and lessons for a broad audience takes a little getting used to.  At times, it’s easy to feel completely tapped out, particularly since I don’t fall back on relinking fits I find on the Internet or rehashing losses of the day.

Lessons: My Little Pony Fleet

I give Eve players a lot of credit when it comes to being willing to fight.  Now, I’ve mentioned before how faction warfare seems to be populated primarily with risk-adverse button-orbiters, and we certainly come across our fair share during our Friday night roams through FW low-sec.  But we do find the occasional FW gang ready to defend their space, and we also come across plenty of other pilots willing to fight us, both on gates and in FW plexes.  Sufficient numbers, as it turns out, to make a routine thing of our Friday night roams.

Our Friday night roam was delayed until Saturday because of some ::serious business:: of a non-logistic nature, but on Saturday, my wife decided that she wanted to play, so she controlled the keyboard and I instructed her, answered her questions, etc.  So, Talvorian didn’t actually fly.

Things went very well.  A couple times, I actually had to run up to take care of one of our daughters, or go to the bathroom, or get another drink, and she only managed to get lost once.  All in all, not bad.  She even got to choose the ship-naming convention of the night.

I’ve Created a Monster

I’ve mentioned before how I taught my wife to play Eve, and I pointed out all the virtues of doing so.  I’m happy to be able to give an example in real-time.

My wife and I have an arrangement.  I get to stay up late and play Eve, but I need to take care of them if they wake up in the middle of the night.  In return, she’ll wake up with them whenever they finally wake up in the morning, which is usually around 6:30, allowing me to sleep in.

Yesterday morning, I awoke to find one daughter screaming because my wife wouldn’t let her take all the ornaments off the Christmas tree, and my wife getting ready to put the baby down for her nap.  The first thing she said was to invoke that Eve knowledge:

Lessons: Roaming With Your Wife

I’ve FC’d a bit before, but the birth of my children made it impossible for me to commit wholly to a fight.  More frequently than not, I have to dock up while roaming because one child or the other is up far later than she should be.  Having no convenient gypsies to sell them to, I have no choice but to be a good dad and sooth them.

But, I am experienced enough with FCing to know that it takes an incredible amount of attention and focus to keep everything running smoothly.  Understanding what the hostiles are doing, what your scouts are telling you, and how soon your fleet is going to land, mixed with trying to remember exactly what bonuses a Celestis gets so you can primary your targets in the right order… it’s a lot of work. 

And, of course, you want to get on the kills yourself.  Typically, the FC flies an easy-to-fly ship (F1 only, please) that can endure for a while, but it’s still another set of procedures to keep in mind.  You need to lock and broadcast every target, while also stating the target aloud on comms.  Then you need to choose the secondary, then promote as the primary goes down, while still locking and broadcasting.  There are a lot of steps to forget, particularly as the circumstances of the battle evolve.

Apparently, roaming with your wife when she’s still learning Eve is identical in its complexity.

Should You Teach Your Wife to Play Eve?

Eve is a game we all spend large amounts of time playing.  Quite often, our significant others (henceforth shortened to “wives” for ease) simply don’t understand how important internet pixels really are.  We strive, often in vain, to help explain that yes, we really did need to stay up until 3 a.m. to participate in that fleet fight, and that no, we aren’t wearing the headset just to ignore them.

At some point, we all ask ourselves, “What if I taught my wife to play Eve?”  Visions of our lives becoming easier through domestic simpatico pass through our minds.  This was exactly the question I asked myself about a year ago.